The Psychology of Change
13/05/2022The Dependency on Other People
28/05/2022
Self-Esteem in Change Management
The Psychology of Change (2)
To understand how our self-esteem impacts our perception, interpretation, and management of change, consider a tightrope walker. Balanced on a swaying rope, he must constantly adjust his position to maintain equilibrium. This requires flexibility and adaptability in response to the rope's shifting movements.
The unstable rope represents the ever-changing life, which means that
WE ARE ALL TIGHTROPE WALKERS TRYING TO ADVANCE ON AN UNSTABLE ROPE.
In order to stay on the rope and move forward on it, we must be flexible and know how to lean to both sides in order to adapt to its movements.
Our self-esteem, or lack of it, does not have a big influence while the movements of the rope of life are small, that is, when life’s changes are minor. However, when it moves more strongly, that is, during significant life changes, our level of self-esteem is revealed and our insecurities and anxiety become visible.
When we suffer from low self-esteem, we have a deep doubt about our worth as a human being. We unconsciously feel that we are not worthy of being loved and that we do not deserve to be successful and happy. We underestimate ourselves, and when life presents us with changes, we feel insecurity and anguish, especially because we have little tolerance for the uncertainty that changes produce.
One way to compensate for this inferiority complex and reduce the internal anguish is to anchor our sense of security in something external. It is like grabbing on to some hooks to feel safe when the rope moves. The most common external "hooks" are money, power, status, material possessions, routines, other people, and the "absolute truth."
Replacing lack of self-esteem with a false sense of security through attachments or dependencies on something or someone are very common psychological defense mechanisms. "False" means that both towards ourselves and towards others, we pretend to feel secure and confident, when the inner reality is the opposite.
This works apparently fine as long as we control our life situation, but for how long do we manage to maintain control? Life is a process of permanent change, which turns the external anchor points into unreliable hooks. Money, power, status, material things, employment, partner, - everything can change or disappear. And what would be the consequences if our sense of security and emotional well-being depend on these aspects of life?
WHAT HAPPENS IF LIFE DEMANDS THAT WE LET GO OF ATTACHMENTS IN ORDER TO MOVE FORWARD?
Let's use a very common attachment as an example :
THE DEPENDENCY ON OUR ROUTINES
Every morning, I follow the same routine: I eat the same breakfast, read the same newspaper or watch the same news channel. I commute to work the same way, performing the same tasks I've done for the last decade. After work, I return home, following the same afternoon routine and watching the same TV shows. This routine, though perhaps mundane and uninspiring, provides a sense of security.
A routine can be a valuable tool for navigating life's complexities. However, rigid adherence to a routine can indicate an underlying need for control and safety. When we rely on a routine to quell inner anxiety, we sacrifice flexibility and adaptability. The predictability and certainty it offers may provide temporary comfort, but it can also hinder our ability to respond effectively to change.
We don’t judge those who seek security in routine. It’s a natural human desire to feel safe and stable. However, the crucial question is whether this sense of security comes from external factors or internal strength.
What do you think would happen to me if I am attached to the routine of my life and when I arrive at the office in the morning someone tells me: “Jan, yesterday they had a meeting of the board of directors and they have decided to change many things. I heard that they are going to move you to another office where you will have to learn many new tasks”?
Internally, I feel a surge of panic. They want me to break the routine, but I cling desperately to the hook. The mere thought of letting go fills me with dread. I fear the uncertainty of the unknown, and my insecurities resurface. My reaction? I hold on tighter, resisting change. The anxiety becomes so overwhelming that I even contemplate quitting my job.
In the next blog we will study another very common attachment: people addiction.
Stay tuned!
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©2022 Jan Moller
