The Superior Feels Inferior

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Published by helse on 31/08/2022

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The superior feels inferior

The Inferiority complex

In our previous post, we discussed arrogance and feelings of superiority. However, superiority exists only in relation to inferiority. Thus, a superiority complex cannot exist without an underlying inferiority complex. Both arise from childhood experiences that fail to nurture healthy self-esteem.

Many parents treat their children as if they were inferior. For instance, a seven-year-old boy shares an idea with his father, only to be met with a dismissive response like, "Where did you get that stupid idea from?" or a simple, "That's not true." Over time, the child learns that authority figures are always right and possess absolute truth.

The habit of comparing children with each other to encourage them to improve, actually teaches them that some of them are worth more than others. The question "why are you not like your brother?" indirectly indicates that the way you are is not good enough. The child begins to doubt his self-worth and develops a creeping feeling that "there is something wrong with me".

The Superior Feels Inferior

The education system reinforces this idea with its grading system. If you get good grades, you are superior, while if you fail the test, you are inferior. At schools in many countries, the so-called "honor list" is posted on the notice board every month, where the students with the best grades are named and ranked. Many professionals (myself included) argue that this tradition, although well-intentioned, constitutes emotional abuse because it creates "winners" and "losers," which harms the development of self-esteem.

There are teachers who are stuck and rigid in their opinions and "have it all figured out", and who get annoyed if students ask too many questions or challenge their views. This is another situation that reinforces the idea that authority is superior. Additionally, on top of all this, most people learn early in life that compared to the spiritual "supreme being" we are all inferior.

So the arrogance and inferiority complex are consequences of our early socialization. In addition to the examples mentioned above, there are many other situations in children's everyday life, both at home and at school, which contribute to the weakening of their self-esteem. Many of the traditional methods that are still used in what is called "good parenting" damage the children's self-image, and according to UNICEF, more than 30% of all the world's schoolchildren between the ages of 13 and 15 experience bullying on a regular basis.

The UNICEF, in it´s report "Hidden In Plain Sight - A statistical analysis of violence against children" from 2014 with data from 190 countries, informs that on average 60% of the world's children between the ages of 2 and 14, i.e. almost one billion children are regularly victims of physical punishment and abuse by their guardians. Only 39 countries in the world have laws that prohibit corporal punishment of children.

From this we realize that far too many of us are mentally and emotionally conditioned or programmed to feel superior and inferior. In some situations and in front of some people we feel superior, while in other situations we feel inferior.

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The superior feels inferior

But what is the difference between feeling superior and feeling inferior? Many people confuse arrogance with high self-esteem, or what they call “an excess of self-esteem.” The reality is that people who feel superior to others, in fact, unconsciously feel inferior.

Their way of evading their negative and painful inner reality is to put up this “facade” of fake strength and power. Their arrogance is part of their psychological defense mechanisms, also called the "personality mask". And they manage to fool not only other people, but themselves as well.

So, arrogance and inferiority complex are two expressions of the same problem: insecurity and low self-esteem. An individual with high self-esteem feels neither superior nor inferior. He or she knows that every human being is unique and just cannot be compared with anyone else. That’s what children need to learn.

The superiority/inferiority complex (low self-esteem) is characterized by:

• Stubbornness, wanting to be right all the time
• Getting easily annoyed
• Obsessive need to be “more” than other people, to be “worth more”
• Obsessive need to exercise dictatorial control over situations
• Morbid jealousy
• Aggressive ambition
• Abuse of power, authoritarian and disrespectful behavior
• Difficulty in, and resistance to, accepting one’s own errors
• Perfectionism and pedantic behavior
• Rigid and inflexible behavior
• Can't stand disagreements
• Defensive behavior without proper reason
• Tendency to label others negatively
• Hurtful jokes, repeated insistently
• Submissive and shy personality
• Arrogant and pushy personality
• Performance anxiety
• Fear and adulation of authority

Do you recognize yourself in any of this?

The basis for high self-esteem is developed in childhood. It depends primarily on the ability of parents, teachers and other adults to give children unconditional love and to set limits in a firm and respectful way that avoids creating fear of authority, guilt or shame.

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©2022 Jan Moller

helse

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